I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
