May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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