Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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