someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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