I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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