plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
