Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize