fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
