apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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