Can i not drive my cunt home
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
