Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think i have two assholes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
