Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
