she woke up with a sticky ear
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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