ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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