Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
