sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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