i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize