I look better un-naked...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
