what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?