how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.