Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know