He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.