lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation