Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.