I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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