My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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