there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
