Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize