Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
