my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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