Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
