i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
