why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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