So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
