ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
