So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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