i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
