Just took my morning after pill in the library
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
