TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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