Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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