the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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