i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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