Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

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(469): Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work. http://tfl.nu/vgtk

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.

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(412): You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats. http://tfl.nu/gybz

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(805): View more from California

He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.

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(805): He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/k960

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(316): View more from Kansas

He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.

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(316): He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed. http://tfl.nu/yb8r

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(925): View more from California

We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...

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(925): We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo... http://tfl.nu/7fya

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious

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(605): Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious http://tfl.nu/m6oe

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.

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(+44): She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre. http://tfl.nu/gzcq

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?

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(910): I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/00z1

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??

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(+64): was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ?? http://tfl.nu/6vfo

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(859): View more from Kentucky

and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.

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(859): and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/coqa

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.

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(920): I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable. http://tfl.nu/ga3p

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(541): View more from Oregon

One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.

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(541): One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse. http://tfl.nu/w6rf

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(928): View more from Arizona

I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five

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(928): I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five http://tfl.nu/12yz

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party

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(617): She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party http://tfl.nu/crsc

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(303): View more from Colorado

Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may

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(303): Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may http://tfl.nu/mwgs

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