Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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