And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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