I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
