I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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