Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
