Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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