Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
