That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
