what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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