Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
not ubering you a puppy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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