so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
