So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
