for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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