I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
