Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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