I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
