I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize