I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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