i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
