a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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