"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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