So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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