Buhtt sex?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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