so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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