I showed him my bush... on skype.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We left the knife in your bed.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
